Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Super Smash Dicks

 A game I spend quite a large amount of time playing since the death of my xbox, rest in peace, is Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This is the perfect game for this juncture of my life as there are always people around to play it with! Now this is suppose to be a fun party game where everybody runs around knocking the shit out of each other, but when I play there is a very different strategy being used.
When I play this game I do something that some people think is a FPS exclusive, camp. That's right, the whole time, I camp off to the side of the map and let everybody else fight. Now, this is not always easy due to people constantly noticing my tom dickery, but I have figured out how to stay out of the combat pretty easily. My usual plan is to sit near the edge of the map and whenever somebody comes close, i run at them, grab them, and throw them back at the other players on the field.
Okay, when the game is going for a few minutes, and the damage of my enemies starts getting pretty high, this is where I start to dick. I, having almost no damage, can easily run into the group, and steal all three kills pretty effectively. Now, most of my friends are so used to this that they barely even get mad anymore, but recently my roommate, Rob, invited his friend over, Josh. Josh is the definition of a TRY HARD. No matter how legitimate your victory, he will always try to call you out on how cheap you are, or how the game fucked him over. I love this more than anything. The thing about TRY HARDS is they are almost never able to keep a cool head under trollious conditions, and lucky for me, Josh is the perfect TRY HARD! Okay, so the game starts and they are all fighting each other pretty evenly, and about 2 or 3 minutes in, when they start getting to about 100% or 150% damage, I decide it's time to fight. I jump in, and without hesitation, go straight for Josh. As his damage is so high, the battle never lasts long, as I can usually knock him out within 15-30 seconds of combat, and this is where stuff gets lulzy. He immediately yells and grips his controller in such a way you fear the controller might break, from this he goes on to say things such as, "How can you even enjoy playing like that?" or "Being cheap is no way to play! PLAY FAIR!" Of course, these words mean nothing to me, as playing fair is no longer even in my play book. I continue this same strategy with the same results for hours.
I could not be more pleased, and he could not be more upset.

I fucking love Super Smash Bros.


  1. lol. kirby is a really cheap character. who do u use?

  2. Motherfuckin' Diddy Kong! Or motherfuckin' Rob.

  3. Sebastian sounds like a dick.
    Following and supporting!